Roses are red

Sometimes, I need a reminder to stop and smell the roses.  Life can get so busy that it is hard to remember to be mindful and truly in the moment.  I work part time in a hospital, I am a mother of 2 active boys, I am a wife, and I am an artist starting my business journey.  There are a lot of items on my “to do ” list, so many in fact, that it is often overwhelming, and I don’t know where to begin.  I feel like I have different versions of “me”, literally different hats to wear, and different personalities in each part of my life.

At the hospital, I am professional.  I am a perfectionist, paying extreme attention to detail.  And I am looking after other people’s needs above my own.  I deal with hunger, dehydration and fatigue in order to keep up with the work flow most days.  Everyone and everything else comes before my needs.  I try to act confident, as I am in a position of expertise, and I do know my job well.

At home, when I am with my family, they come first.  Even as my boys are growing, I need to feed them and wash their clothes and keep them entertained and not fighting.  I feel like I need to do things my husband would want me to do that left to myself I would likely leave.  Just me, being a people pleaser.  I feel like  I am not keeping up, not doing a good enough job.  There are always things to do, and ways of doing them better.

As an artist, it is often just about me.  What do I need or want?  I can play and create freely, using colours of my choice.  I can leave my space a mess because it is MY space.  I can discover my secrets and passions.  Until…I get into my head…will people like this?  What would they prefer?  What does this even mean?!  And then…I get stuck…I cannot let my perfectionism and people pleasing intrude on my art, or the art will not happen.  Worse…it will become another item on my ever lasting “to do” list, and that is not what art is meant to be.

So I have to keep all these aspects of me separate it seems.  I can’t be vulnerable in the hospital, or I will be taken advantage of and not trusted.  I can’t be completely professional, organized and in control at home because there are too many other opinions and attitudes to incorporate.  And I can’t be free and messy at the hospital or at home, because that is just not acceptable.  There has to be a middle ground somewhere…to somehow not feel like 3 completely different people.

So, this is my reminder to stop and smell the roses…enjoy the simple pleasures in life…paint on my fingers, the ground under my feet, the sun on my skin and wind in my hair… giggles from my boys.  Pretty stones, lipstick, and flowers.  A hug.

This is a 6×6 mini rose that I painted a few months back.  And I must admit…I kind of love it and want to paint more of them!  I was afraid to paint a rose because I want to develop a loose, more abstract and relaxed style, but to get the shape of the rose I had to pay some attention to detail.  And I find red tough to work with, because you can’t lighten it easily without making pink, and I don’t want muted pink highlights, I wanted it bright and bold!

Someone told me it reminded them of Alice in Wonderland.  I LOVE that idea!  It suits me so much!  I feel like since my head injury I have fallen through the rabbit hole, and am trying to find my way back home…knowing that I will never be the same self that I was before entering.

Have you had a rabbit hole moment?  Can you see the positive that came from it, despite the pain you may have endured in the beginning?  Tell me about it!  And take a moment today to stop, and smell the roses!


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