Hello! I feel like I owe you an apology for being absent. I got really excited about my new adventure, and then I got distracted, and a few days turned into weeks, and now I’m stuck creatively, overwhelmed with so many ideas I don’t know where to start, and afraid of making a decision. Have you ever been there?
So what could have possibly distracted me? Well, I had an injury to my right shoulder, that is healing very well and not going to cause long term effects, but that made it next to impossible to create for a week or two, because I couldn’t raise my arm. Don’t ask me why I didn’t blog about it then. I guess I was frustrated and embarrassed. And I didn’t want to bring everyone else down, I want to inspire and bring you joy! I now realize that by sharing my highs and my lows, I can inspire more people, because it’s the natural ebb and flow of creativity.
I’ve also been spending a lot of time running, and reading a book for personal development about the first woman to officially run the Boston marathon…50 years ago today. She returned to run it again, 50 years later. And she was heavily involved in bringing woman’s running into society acceptance, empowering so many female athletes. I’ve had a recent obsession with Katherine Switzer, feeling grateful for her efforts and in awe of her determination and strength.
So I find my self currently asking a lot of questions. Like what direction am I going? What do I want to focus my time on? Where is my artistic desire and focus? What is my passion? What Toni enjoy painting? Do I want to work on classes or my own thing? Have I learned enough to step out on my own? Am I strong enough? Do I have something worth “saying”? What would that be?
All of these questions and doubts are overwhelming. And I just don’t know where to start. I ave an amazing friend, Jess, who came up with the idea of a photo inspirational challenge, to help keep us inspired to paint just something. So the photo above is my painting inspired by a bouquet of tulips she challenged me to last month. This no th is my choice, and I’m stuck on it, because the photo is so beautiful I want to do it right…taking the fun and freedom away from the exercise. I think I need to take Jess’ lead and just DO something! Art journal…no expectation, no plan, and just make art.
How contoured get out of a funk? The fear of not being enough? Figuring out the “right” way to spend your limited time for creating? I know in my heart there is no right or wrong, but my head is winning the battle right now, and I’m stuck.